B2B: Bordeaux to Barcelona, Lil Buddha's First Blog!

El Tunco - the final stop of our little Salvadoran adventure, and by far the most disappointing ... El Salvador has been pretty cool overall, but we're finding little in the way of redeeming qualities of this tiny surf town, which was an odd finish to the tour. El Tunco was likely chosen for its location, a relatively short drive to the airport, which makes it a convenient final night for those departing the country.

It does also offer a brief taste of El Salvador's Pacific coast, but it was more than disappointing in that regard, especially for non-surfers - while there are some great waves for surf bums, the water is far too rough for swimmers to even wade out much deeper than their knees. Add the fact that the water appears to be of dubious quality, with a filthy-looking river discharging right into town, and there was very little incentive for us to consider even dipping our toes into the surf!

It actually would have been nice if the tour was one day longer, as it could've afforded the opportunity to stay a night in Salinitas instead, a beach town just over an hour up the road, and one that seemingly is far nicer and cleaner. In fact, El Tunco reminded us a little of Ko Phi Phi, a beach town in Thailand that has become one giant, crowded, overgrown backpacker ghetto. El Tunco isn't quite there yet, but it's seemingly well on its way to becoming the Salvadoran equivalent - for the sake of the locals, I truly hope that doesn't end up being the case!

Having said all this, we did manage to find a couple of decent qualities about El Tunco, the first being a pretty decent restaurant at our hotel, Roca Sunzal. The second was also sort of related to our hotel - the oyster men of El Tunco who stroll along the beach, calling out "Ostras! Ostras!", as they sold, of all things, oysters! Who knew that oysters could even be found in a tropical location such as El Tunco?

Now, these were far from the best oysters you could have, and the sizing categories was beyond laughable if you've had the pleasure of sampling fine oysters elsewhere in the world, as the "large" ones here would barely qualify as bait anywhere else. But the fact that we could sit around on a beachfront restaurant in El Salvador, sipping on Salvadoran beer, while slurping down these oysters, was beyond cool.

Perhaps even cooler were the oyster men, and watching them hustle their way through plate after plate of oysters, delivered to people sitting at random restaurants on the beach. We never did learn their names, but gave them all a name of distinction, a name of fame - Ostradamus!

Peace out,

Lil B

El Tunco ...

Ostradamus ...

Feels Like Ko Phi Phi, In a Bad Way ...

Lovely View at Lunch ...

Perfect For a Hot Day ...

Peanut Butter Crepe ...

Worst Part of Breakfast ...

World's Tiniest Large Oysters ...

Bad Smoothies ...

Worst Pupusas of the Trip ...

Back at the Hotel ...

Fish in a Creamy Loroco Sauce ...

Some More Killer Fried Tortillas

Today was cause for celebration - having wreaked too much havoc in the Guatemalan and Salvadoran criminal underworlds, we received word that the gangs had given up on getting revenge on us. So we honoured this most special occasion in the most Salvadoran way possible - with several rounds of beer at a ... Salvadoran craft brewery???!!? Who woulda thunk it, that a place like El Salvador would have a cool, hipster-esque craft brewery?

Sure, we had sampled some Cadejo beer in a few different places in El Salvador, but it really didn't clue in to us how unique this truly was in a developing country such as this, until we rolled into San Salvador. Not having traveled through any of the more affluent parts of El Salvador until today, we had almost forgotten that Central American countries often have some hidden pockets of deceptive wealth, typically on display in the Zona Rosa, the night life and entertainment district.

Cadejo Brewing Company isn't that different from any other craft brewery you might find in a large North American city - with an upscale interior and a menu bordering on gastropub territory, it would be a pretty fun place to spend an evening of noshing and drinking with friends. Too bad our Beer O'clock was at 10:30 in the morning, before they were even open! But no matter, as they were still more than willing to sell us a half dozen beer samplers each!

Funny to say, but we weren't all that impressed with any of the beers except for their Negra, which we previously thoroughly enjoyed for its dark, rich, chocolatey characteristics, despite not being huge fans of stout beer. But who cares if most of the beers weren't to our tastes, when we were having a thoroughly good time trying them? Beyond our stop at Cadejo, our short visit this morning to San Salvador was far more worthwhile than guidebooks might suggest it would be.

Large Central American cities are rarely places that are overly attractive for tourists, but we managed to find a few fun things in town today, thanks to Daniel. Some pastries at an upscale bakery, and a visit to the Rosario church rounded out the morning's activities, before we ended up at what turned out to be the highlight of our tour, at least for Travis, our fellow Canadian tour member.

We stopped at the San Salvador airport, to pick up his backpack - having had flight issues in Houston on his way into Guatemala, he had been separated from his luggage, and today, Travis finally managed to reunite with his bag. Too bad it was on the final evening of our 8-day tour before it happened! Of course, that didn't stop Travis from breaking out his finest duds for his last evening in El Salvador, thoroughly enjoying the fact that he no longer had to wear the $2 outfits he picked up way back in Ahuachapán!

Peace out,

Lil B

Cadejo Brewery Tasters ...

Rosario Church - Definitely Non-Traditional

More Rosario Church

Ruins of Tazumal

Volcanoes In the Distance?

Lush Salvadoran Landscape

Lava Field

Joya de Ceren ...

San Salvador Volcano

Plaza Libertad

Tasty Coconut Horchata!

Final Meal at El Tejado ...

Omelet ...

Peach Tart ...

Guacamole at Roca Sunzal

Not Tropical Tea ...

Overcooked Breaded Fish ...

Seafood Rice ...

A Bonus ...

Our arrival in Suchitoto yesterday turned out to be a rather fortuitous occurrence - I wasn't quite sure where to get rid of the Barbie Butchers' bodies, until today, when I got a closer look at Lake Suchitlan. It's always interesting in developing nations, particularly from an environmental standpoint - in the case of El Salvador, there is some truly stunning natural scenery, and a cruise on Lake Suchitlan is a must if visiting Suchitoto, both for the bird watching and for the beautiful views.

There is a problem, however - as lovely as Lake Suchitlan is, it's also heavily polluted, being the final destination for the Lempa river. At its source, the river is considered pristine, but once it passes through San Salvador, it picks up all manner of ... organic material from the city's inhabitants, shall we say? Our guide put it best - "Suchitlan may be beautiful, but I would never put my face in that water!"

Lake Suchitlan is taken over by what locals jokingly refer to as "lechuga" (lettuce), which I think is a type of water hyacinth, floating plants that are flourishing with all the waste in the water. It's so thick on the lake that makes a cruise a bit like navigating a maze, with our captain having to stop several times to survey the lake for a path through the plants, and us frequently taking circuitous routes to get anywhere.

At times, we tried ramming our way through the plants, but you could feel a significant increase in drag on the boat, and also the outboard engine bogging down as the propeller chewed its way through the plants. More than once, we worried that the propeller would get so tangled up in the weeds, that the engine would die, and we would get stuck on the lake. Luckily that didn't happen, so we didn't need to hop out and swim back to shore through that filthy water!

There was a definite benefit with all this greenery floating on the lake - it provided a perfect hiding spot for the Barbie Butchers' bodies! It would be absolutely perfect, because you'd never be able to spot a floating body here even if it was right in front of you, since the water plants can stretch out as far as the eye can see. And all that organic material in the water surely results in all manner of bacteria that can quickly dissolve of any dead bodies that are floating around!

Peace out,

Lil B

Looks Are Deceiving ...

Dirty Lettuce of Lake Suchitlan

Rainbow Over Suchitlan

The View Was Better Than the Breakfast!

Cute Granny's House ...

Granny's Patio, In the Shadow of Santa Lucia

The Best Part of Casa de la Abuela ...

Centro Arte Para La Paz ...

San Francisco Lempa's Dive Bar

Dive Bar's Wicked View

Better Yesterday ...

Burnt French Toast ...

Hotel Los Almendros ...

Caprese Salad ...

Tough and Stringy Rabbit ...

La Posada de Suchitoto ...

Tasty Veggie Soup ...

Gallo en Chicha

Sopa de Gallina ...

Yuca con Chicarron ...

Pupuseria Raquelita ...

Dedicated Daniel ...

It doesn't matter how many times I get reincarnated, one thing never gets old - spending a languid morning spooning in bed, underneath a warm tortilla blanket, made of freshly-ground corn, by an old Salvadoran granny. Soft, warm, and squishy, there is no bed anywhere that is as cozy as one covered by a fresh corn tortilla. Ahhh ... such a grand way to start the day ... until, the gang sent their elite group of assassins to take us out!!!

The gang had upped their efforts, sending type of killers that you definitely don't want to mess with - for all of the horrific assassins I've disposed of during my countless lifetimes, I have never seen any as frightening as the ones that showed up in our room today. Known as the Barbie Butchers, not only is their appearance beyond freaky, but they are also known to inflict maximum pain and suffering on their victims, prolonging the ordeal by forcing them to play the most bizarre, twisted games before the bloody end.

They didn't kill us as we lay beneath our corn tortilla - instead, they forced us to partake in a truly sadistic tea party! Luckily for me, despite being thoroughly searched by the Barbie Butchers, they never found a small little parting gift I received after my short stint in Mi6 serving Her Majesty's Secret Service, when I took on the designation 0038. It was all a part of the game - if you ever got caught without any hope of escape, you were to break the fake molar implanted in the back of your mouth, and take the cyanide capsule within.

Those stupid Barbies didn't even see it coming, as I slipped the capsule into their teapot, and they died a quick, but horrific death, muahahaha! In actuality, I could've killed them all once they entered our room, by shoving corn tortilla bits down their throats until they choked to death, but all the quick carnage I'd been dishing out recently has gotten a bit mundane ... so I actually allowed them to capture us, to increase the degree of difficulty.

But yet again, these would-be assassins proved that they were no match for the likes of me, and were no more than a small challenge to start the day. However, this did mean, unfortunately, that it was time for us to move on from Ahuachapán, so we were off to charming colonial town of Suchitoto. But in our haste, we didn't have time to dispose of the Barbies' bodies, so I just stuck them in Pat's backpack while we figured out to do with them.

Now, had this been back in Canada, it would be a good few days before the stench would become overpowering, but in this hot Salvadoran heat, I figured that we only had a day at most, before the funk took over. Of course, it may not even matter, because that backpack has been to so many filthy places, that its normal smell of rotten cheese would masquerade any decomposing bodies inside ...

Suchitoto, as it turns out, might be a good place to hide from the gang - it's a cute, quiet, and seemingly tourist-free kind of place, feeling a lot like Antigua might have felt 30 years ago, before the gringos arrived and took it over. I certainly hope the thugs don't find us here, because I'm SO tired of killing them ...

Peace out,

Lil B

Two Little Spoons Under a Warm Tortilla

The Brutal Barbie Butchers

Suchitoto's Santa Lucia Church

View of Lake Suchitlan From Hotel El Tejado

Cute Homes of Suchitoto ...

Death Trap ...

Parque San Martin

Common Stencil Art in Suchitoto ...

Enjoying the Sunset ...

Funky Cafe - El Chucho Aguatero

Streets of Suchitoto

Home For the Next Three Days ...

Santa Ana's Catedral ...

Corn Coffee ...

Brochette ...

Shrimp Rancheros ...

Tenderloin, Salsa, and More Wicked Wedges

Delicious Drinks ...

La Lupita del Portal ...

Grilled Chorizo ...

Better Cadejo ...

I hadn't realized that the Day of the Dead is actually a single day celebration, but one that actually goes on for three whole days - Daniel wasn't exactly sure what to call today because, in fact, yesterday was the Day of the Dead. So today, must be the Day of the Deader, right? It was a rather fitting nickname that Daniel had bestowed upon today, as our brief one-day reprieve from carnage ended early this morning, when a thug busted into our room, in a murderous rage!

My inner Jason Bourne immediately awakened and sprung into action - but I had to improvise, as there were no magazines, pens, or hand towels in my vicinity that I could use to dispose of this would-be assassin. Before Pat could even stop snoring, I ripped the pink sleep mask off of his face, and quickly strangled the last breath out of the thug. Why would the gang send only one man to come after me? Was this a joke? An intended insult? I didn't have the time to ponder this further, as we needed to move on and find a place to dispose of the body.

Thankfully, the numerous coffee farms of El Salvador provide a perfect means of making someone disappear - in the form of industrial-sized coffee roasters and grinders! It was perfect - first, I used the numerous machetes found on the coffee farm to hack the thug up into small, coffee bean-sized pieces. Then, I roasted them to perfection, before finally grinding to fine, powder-like particles, that were perfect for roasting. Even better, I roasted the thug's bones separately, a bit like you would in a French brown sauce, to further enhance the rich roasted flavour of our espresso.

Of course, there was one slight problem with my nearly-perfect plan - what to do with the thug's big, fat head? There was no way that it was going to properly fit inside of the roaster or grinder, so I had to re-strategize - not knowing El Salvador all that well, I took advantage of Daniel's extensive knowledge of the country. "We can dispose of his head at the Santa Teresa hot springs ..."

It was positively brilliant - the filthy waters of the hot springs were the perfect spot to dump what little was left of the thug! I stuffed a few leftover pupusas into his mouth, ears, and nose, so that they would soak up the water, weighing down the decapitated head like an anchor. It'd be years before anyone would find it, and by the time they did, it would resemble a rotted-out coconut shell, more than anything even remotely human! Soaking in those dirty waters while holding the thug's head down, keeping it from bobbing back up, should have been a nice, relaxing end to the day. But my mind was too preoccupied with worry - Ahuachapán had grown unsafe for us, and we needed to move on ...

Peace out,

Lil B

A Thug Latte on the Coffee Tour ...

Brown Waters of Aguas Termales de Santa Teresa ...

Thug, Pre-Roasting and Grinding

Juayua's Church

Ahuachapan's Iglesia La Asuncion

Day of the Dead ...

A Whole Lot of Symbolism That We Didn't Understand

Santa Ana Volcano, In the Distance

Different Kind of Coffee Tour ...

Le Marzocco - the Ferrari of Espresso Machines ...

Rested Vs Freshly-Roasted ...

The Chemex Method ...

Rubbery Pancakes at La Casa de Mamapan ...

Tipico ...

More Pupusas ...

Comedy of Errors at the Hot Springs ...